Pumpkin Fucker
Police arrested Malcolm Davidson, a 27 year-old white male resident... Oral Sex - An Ode To Love
Penis breath, a lover's dread
Is what you get when you give head
... Making Cakes
There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one... A Serious Medical Condition
Queen Elizabeth II was visiting one of New York's finest hospitals a... Moth Exterminator
A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest... New Career
A gynecologist had a burning desire to change careers and become a m... New Jersey Body Map
One evening, a young man was surprised to find that his bar pickup l... Blonde Breathalizer Test
One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for spee... A man, an ostrich, and a cat
A man walks into a bar with an ostrich and a cat and sits at the bar... Hungry Cock
A guy approaches the window of the movie theater with a chicken unde... 24 hours
A man returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has... Christmas Gifts
A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birth... Lines from Star Wars that can be improved if you substitute the word "Pants" for key words
We've got to be able to get some reading on those pants, up or down.... Unheavenly Blessed
Three nuns were talking. The first nun said "I was cleaning the Fath... Unhappy Birthday
Two weeks ago, was my forty-fifth birthday, and I wasn't feeling too... Unfaithful Wife
A husband suspects his wife is having an affair. He needs to go on a... Triplets
A woman pregnant with triplets is walking down the street when a mas... Translating Hebrew
A team of archaeologists were excavating in Israel when they came up... The Twist
It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He's a p... Tatooed Penis
There was this man and when ever he got his pay check his wife would... Storks
Two storks are sitting in their nest: a father stork and baby stork.... Speech Impediment
Over drinks one afternoon a buddy of mine and I were discussing form... Smoking
A young couple had been married for a couple of weeks, and the man w... The Top 14 Things Bill Clinton Would Say if He Were in "Star Wars"
14. "Well, it depends on your definition of 'father', Luke."
13.... Shooting The Bull
Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally... Sex Therapist
A couple, both 67, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor aske... Sex Therapy
A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma... Sex Talk
Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. "Does... Say Your Prayers
One night, a father overheard his son saying his prayers, "God bless... Results-Oriented Man
A very frustrated man visits his doctor. "Doc, you've gotta help me!... The Rescue
An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part... Polish Indian
A businessman boarded a flight and was lucky enough to be seated nex... Picture Revenge
Two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in... Pickle Slicer
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a nu... The Top 14 Signs You're Not Watching the Real "Phantom Menace"
14. As if the girl-girl porno action weren't tacky enough, you can a... Penis Problem
A guy goes to see the doctor, because he's a little too well-endowed... Penis Contest
Three third-graders, a Jew, an Italian, and an African American are... Paradise
There were two lovers, who were really into spiritualism and reincar... Nursing Home Cop
An old lady in a nursing home is wheeling up and down the halls in h... Blonde Breathalizer Test
One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for spee... Breast Feeding Blonde
A blonde woman is walking down the street, with her blouse open. A c... Blonde Dildo
This guy just started at his new job, working at a porno shop. His b... Blonde Breast Stroke
A blonde, a red head and a brunette were competing in the English Ch... Little Boy's Extortion
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over,... You Need To Have A Bad Day To Get Into Heaven
It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to acc... Which Hole?
A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he w... Hell's Totures
A guy goes to hell and is met by the devil, who explains that the pu... Clinton Jokes
Q. If Clinton gets impeached he will be the first president to....
... Clinton Recycling Sex
Bill and Hillary are now married 40 years. When they first got marri... Red Ring Around Clinton's Collar
While undressing for bed one night, good ole Bill notices something... Clinton Meets New Interns
Two new young interns are hired in the White House. They are walking... Clinton Orders A Quickie
Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch. As they re... Dry Cleaning Monica's Dress
Monica walks into her dry cleaning store and tells the guy, "I've go... Monica Lewinsky Buys Condoms
Monica went up to the pharmacist and stated, "I need to buy condoms.... Gore's and Hillary's Revenge
Bill Clinton steps out onto the White House lawn in the dead of wint... Viagra Jokes
Q. What is the generic name for Viagra?
A. Mycoxafillin....
Q.... Employee Sport Preferences
After a two year long study, the National Science Foundation announc... Tempting Santa
A beautiful innocent young girl wants to meet Santa Claus so she put... Rejected Hallmark Greetings
So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day...
Look at th... The Top 15 Euphemisms for Impotence
15. 180 degrees shy of heaven
14. Performing with Flaccido Domi... Things That Sound Dirty At Thanksgiving, But Aren't
"Whew, that's one terrific spread!"
"I'm in the mood for a little... Consequences Of Sex
Down in the valley where the green grass grows
There lives a girl w... Get A Little Head
There was ounce this man who used to go this bar at the end of the s... Daddy Johnny
Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can lit... Smelling What You Eat
A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who i... Done By Smell
A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn't know... Blind Carpenter
A blind carpenter walks into a lumber mill and shouts out, "I am a b... The Strength Of 100 Men
Before the final match, the American wrestler's trainer came to him... Blinds Man
A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior... God's Handles
Little Johnny came home from school to see the families pet rooster... Don't Step On Them
Little Johnny, on a day when he was being particularly reckless, was... Beautiful
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a... Johnny Urinates
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of the sudden, he ne... Proud Jamaican Father
A Jamaican man bought a round of drinks for everyone in the bar, ann... Tatooed Penis
This fellow was so deeply in love that just before he was married, h... Black Hair
The black dude walked into the house to see his wife dancing seducti... Who Is Better
These two guys go to a whorehouse. The first guy goes in then comes... Ma and Pa
Ma and Pa where rocking on the front porch when Pa turned and slappe... Cow Tail
A foursome was on the last hole and when the last golfer drove off t... Fertile Celebration
While the bar patron savoured a double martini, an attractive women... Second Mortgage
This sex researcher phones one of the participants in a recent surve... My Husband's Home
A man came down with the flu and was forced to stay home one day. He... 3rd Grade
On little Larry's first day of first grade, he raised his hand as so... Tasters Choice
A Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriend on the grounds of his f... Things Were Tougher Then
There were three prostitutes living together, a mother, daughter and... Bitch Literal
Three guys are in a bar discussing how much their wives bitch at the... A Guy's Job
A guy sticks his location,
In a girl's destinstion,
To increase th... Adam and Eve
In the Garden of Eden,
As everyone knows,
Lives Adam and Eve,
Wit... My First Time
The sky was dark
The moon was high
All alone
Just her and I
He... Why Fishing Is Better Than Sex
When you go fishing and you catch something, that's good. If you're... A Brief Affair
A young associate was romantically ambushed in a darkened room of th... A Lawyer's Priorities
Two lawyers were walking down Rodeo Drive, and saw a beatiful model... Square Balls?
A little old lady went into the headquarters of a large national ban... Still A Virgin
"Father, how am I going to tell my husband that I am still a virgin?... Dirty Sex Pictures
A man goes to a Psychologist and says, "Doc I got a real problem, I... Psychology Experiment
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at... Feeling Guilty
A young woman took her troubles to a psychiatrist. "Doctor, you must... Penis Smell
Two gay guys were walking together when one of them said, "You're no... Things That Are Difficult to Say When You're Drunk
Things That Are Difficult to Say When You're Drunk:
Indubita... Viagara Bed
A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in the hospital.
"How... Mother Nature
There were these two best friends out playing golf one beautiful day... Lion Tamer
A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two young people show... Sleeping With My Wife
A man was going door-to-door doing a sexual survey in Jeff's neighbo... Labor Pains
Once a woman was in labor; she was having a really tough time dealin... One Bad Alien Bastard
Late one night, an alien spacecraft landed near a deserted gas stati... You Called Me?
A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there h... Birds On A Penis
Mrs. Cohen, Mrs. Levy, and Mrs. Lefkovitz are discussing their sons.... Two Indians and a Hillbilly
Two Indians and a Hillbilly were walking in the woods. All of a sudd... Gay lunch
Two gay guys are sharing an apartment. One gay guy is sitting on th... A Man From Nantucket
There was an old man from Nantucket
His cock was so long he could s... How much for the cow?
Once there was a man who was in love with a beautiful woman and he w... Fish and Cat Story
One spring day, a fish was swimming about a foot below the surface o... Wide Stance
A woman golfer suffers a nasty bee sting and leaves the course to go... Borrow The Truck
A white girl came up to her dad who was sitting in a beaten up armch... Teddy Bears Picnic
If you go down to the woods today you're sure of a big suprise
If y... Two Leprochans
Two leprochans have a bet. To settle their bet, they take it to a co... Retiring Mailman
A 65-year old mailman decided it was time to retire. When the small... Lettuce and Tomato
This guy has to baby-sit his litle brother, and when his parents lea... Dick or Lick?
There once lived a king and a queen who ruled a large kingdom. The k... Medical Confusion
A man goes to his physician to pick up his sick wife's results. The... Mousey Tale
Three mice are sitting in a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late... Long But Silent
A guy is sitting all alone at a bar, the bartender looks at him and... Dirty Police Report
A man knocked on a door an a women answered and he asked if he could... The Scotsman At The Baseball Game
A recent Scottish immigrant to the U.S. attended his first baseball... Indifferent
One day, during English class, Miss Figpot asked her
class, "Who ca... Johnny's Birthday
"Happy 6th Birthday, Johnny!" a banner said that was hanging in John... Teased Old Lady
Defense Attorney: What is your age?
Little Old Woman: I am 86 yea... Humor in the Restroom - The Wisdom you can find on the Walls
1. Friends don't let their friends take home a ugly men. from n a Wo... Old Lady's Pet Forg
An older lady was somewhat lonely, and decided that she needed a pet... Talented Frog
A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday.... Long Time Without Sex
One day a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her origin.
"H... Jack & Jill
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marajuana.
Jack got hi... Rubber Necks
Q:What do men do when they see a fine ass girl is behind them?
A:Br... The Mini-Noggin'
One day a tired salseman goes into a bar and orders a beer. While he... Definitely Too Much Sun
This guy is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. On... The Programmer and the Talking Frog
A computer programmer happens across a frog in the road. The frog pi... An Unlikely Stop
A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf c... Anything You Say
When Johnny got arrested, they told him, "Anything you say will be h... Fido Will Find It
Police officer George and officer Mary had been assigned to walk the... Burn Patient
A guy falls asleep on the beach for several hours and gets a horribl... Chinese Torture
A young man was wandering, lost, in a forest when he came upon a sma... Good Sex Days
A recent study found out which days men prefer to have sex. it was f... Why Men Get Out Of Bed
A recent survey was conducted to discover why men get out of bed in... The Perfect Breakfast As A Man Sees It
You're sitting at the table and your son is on the cover of Wheaties... Irish Gas Attendant
Taking a wee break from the golf circuit, Tiger Woods drives his new... Ass "Emoticons"
(_E=3Dmc2_) A smart ass
(_13_) An unlucky ass
(_$_) Money comi... You Gotta Use The Righta Tools For The Job
An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his... Nursery Rhymes
JACK AND JILL
Went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill
... The Power Of Imagination
In a mental institution, a nurse walks into a room and sees a patien... Ham Sandwich
A priest and a rabbi are sitting next to each other on an airplane.... Jack And Jill
Jack and Jill Went up the hill
to smoke some marijuanna.
Jack got... The Widow
An old woman's husband dies and she inherits millions of dollars. Sh... A Lesson In Life
I was happy. My girlfriend and me were dating for over a year, and s... The Reason Fish Smell
One fine morning in Eden, God was looking for Adam and Eve, but coul... Little Red Riding Hood
Little Red Riding Hood wanted to visit her grandmother, her mother s... Three Men
There were men lost in the woods and they said lets all split up and... 14 Signs Your Online Relationship Isn't Working Out
14) You discover that "Chesty McBust" isn't her real name, and she's... The Nuns
An old begger came across a nunary and decided to goin and check if... Nympho Wfie
Newly married couple both nyphomaniacs, husband comes downstairs in... Thanksgiving Dinner
There was once a kid who overheard his parents screwing. His father... One Hole Behind...
A man was golfing. He walked up to a woman standing nearby him and s... The Ordeal of Fruit
Two men shipwrecked on an Island are captured by cannibals. The chei... White Kid, Black Goat
Father Joseph, a missionary, was touring the African village in whic... Polish Bar
An Irishman, and Englishman, and a Polishman were in a bar in New Yo... Sex Education
Johnny was 8 years old and like other boys his age rather curious. H... Down by the Water
Down by the water where nobody goes,
There lies Rachel without any... Blind Greeting
Theres a blind man right, hes feelin his way down the street with hi... Confucious Says
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Man who stand on toi... A Game
Sex is fun,
Sex is a game,
1 night of passion,
9 months of pain,
... The Many Uses Of Toilet Paper
A husband and wife were laying in bed one night. The wife got up to... Lesbian Hhat-up
A bloke is sat at a bar when he sees this gorgeous woman waiting for... Vocabulary Day
There was a class and each student had to go up to the front of the... Cake
One day this little girl and her mother went for a walk. the little... Dangerous Gas Pumps
One day these 2 aliens from outer space wanted to take over the worl... Two Little Sperm
Two little sperms just getting out. One asks, "How long before we ge... The Rodeo
A cowboy walks into a bar and sits next to another guy. They soon ge... While The Cats Away
As the door is opened, the travelling salesmans shocked to see a lit... Teenage Humor
One day, two teenage boys, around 13 years old, walk into a gym. One... 161 Condom Slogans
1) Cover your stump before you hump
2) Before you attack her, wrap... No Arms And No Legs
A mans walking along the beach and he sees a woman with no arms and... Shitty Fan
One night a guy runs into a bar feeling as though he is going to exp... Johnny Harder
It was almost time for the bell to ring. Johnny's teacher had asked... Surprise
One evening, as Uncle John and his wife are entertaining guests with... The Bathroom Confession
One day a priest was in the confessional and he had to go to the bat... School Days
One day Johnny is in class, and his teacher asignes him to make up a... Embarressed Johnny
Little Johnny was in his nursery class when the teacher asked the ch... Dirty One Liners (submitted by users)
Q: What is worse than a cardboard box?
A: Paper tits!
Q: What's... Ten excuses for a condom in a Big Mac
In case you missed the article, someone once found a condom in a McD... Funny Bumper Stickers
Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ASS?
... Funny Signs in Great Britain (but could be anywhere)
1. IN A LAUNDROMAT: Automatic washing machines. Please remove all y... Don't Lie to Mom
John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother... Anagrams
An Anagram, as you all know, is a word or phrase made by transposing... Comedians' Best Lines, 1997
"I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was,... Reasons For Being Fired From Toys 'R' Us
15. A little too much joie de vivre while demonstrating the erector... Rejected Dr. Seuss Books
1. One Bitch, Two Bitch, Dead Bitch, Blue Bitch
2. Who Shat in th... Five Kinds Of Sex
1) The first is Smurf Sex. This happens during the honeymoon period,... What Men Should Never Say After Sex
1) "I was kidding about being sterile, you know."
2) "Do... Sex and the Law
Most Middle Eastern countries recognize the following Islamic law: "... Top Ten Acronyms Least Used In Personal Ads
10. JRLA -- Janet Reno Look-Alike
9. CWP -- Cigar-Wielding Presid... Ten Things Not To Say To Your New Girlfriend's Parents
1. My parole officer thinks Sara has a calming effect on me.
2. D... The 10 Most Important People in a Woman's Life
1. The doctor because he says, "Take off your clothes"
2. The den... Horse And Chicken
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into... Personal Mottos
A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
Do I look like a fuck... Pick-Up Lines
1. I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hands.
2. Can I bo... Men are like...
....Placemats
They only show up when there's food on the table.
... Ben & Jerry's New Presidential Flavors
Slick Willie
Double Nut Joy
Subpoenas 'n' Cream
Impeach-Min... The Top Ten Signs That You're Being Stalked By A Leprechaun
Generic-looking green van parked across the street with Notre Dame b... Top Ten Reasons Why Trick-Or-Treating Is Better Than Sex
10) You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sac... Witticisms
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
If y... Top Ten Signs Your Spouse May Be Having An On-Line Affair
10. Lately she sits at the computer naked.
9. After signing off,... Twenty Reasons Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex
1) You can GET chocolate.
2) "If you love me you'll swallow that"... Boat Ride
A young woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by t... Dirty One Liners
Q. Do you know what the square root of 69 is?
A. Ate something. (8.... Amish Humor
An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an open buggy one col... Feel Like A Woman
On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. Th... Bad Taste
A young man walked up and sat down at the bar. "What can I get you?"... Attitudes
A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their... Appointments
One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently tapped h... Blonde And The Alligator
A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He put the... Custer's Last Thoughts
An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall,... Crashing Supermodels
Naomi Campbell, Claudia Schiffer, and Cindy Crawford are flying to a... Complete Coverage
Two men are in a doctor's office. Each of them are to get a vasectom... College Letters
A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes of... A Little Male Bashing
Q: Why do men become smarter during sex?
A: Because they are plugge... Clever Midget
A guy is standing at a urinal when he notices that he is being watch... Car Accident
A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend. S... Elephant WOMB
Four farmers were seated at the bar in a tavern. At the table next t... Ed Zachary Disease
A woman was very despondent over not having sex in quite some time.... Druggist's Bad Day
Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, th... Doctor and the Bee
One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All... I'll Drink To That
A guy walks into a bar with his girlfriend. A very drunk man in the... Funeral Plans
Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated. Their lovers happ... Ford vs. God
Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, an angel tells For... Firm THIS Up
One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and... Sexual Star Wars Trilogy Lines
A NEW HOPE
'She may not look like much, but she's got it where... Final Confession
When Nuns are admitted to Heaven they go through a special gate and... Female to Male Translation
What a woman says:
"This place is a mess! C'mon,
you and I need t... Father and Son
A man and his young son are in the drugstore when the son comes acro... Eleventh Commandment
Last week a very important meeting took place among God, the Pope an... Gorilla Problem
A certain zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a... Good Example
Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appea... Golf Injury
A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The... Ghost Hick
A visiting professor at Texas A & M University is giving a seminar o... Gas Grill
A couple had been married 15 years. One afternoon they were working... And God Created Man
And God created woman.
She had two arms, two legs and three breasts... Irish Bank Robbery
Excerpted from an article about a bank robbery which appeared in the... Hippie and the Nun
A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. T... Great Sex Coupon
Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, and he... Heaven or Hell?
This woman dies and goes to heaven. While waiting in line, she hears... Headache
A guy has been suffering from severe headaches for years with no rel... Gorilla Headache
It's a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the z... Harley Davidson
This guy has always dreamed of owning a Harley Davidson. One day he... Halloween Party
A couple was invited to a swanky Halloween Party. She got a terribl... Heaven's Cars
Three friends are in a car driving to the ballgame when a big truck... Rubbing For A Wish
A few months after his parents were divorced, Little Johnny passed b... The Milkman
Little Johnny is passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the n... Stranger Than Fiction
PHILLIPSBURG, NJ.
An unidentified 29-year-old male choked to dea... I Wanna Get Weighed
John took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do... Indian Names
This Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on hi... House Calls
Howard was feeling guilty all day long. No matter how he tried to fo... Which One Is Married?
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teac... Johnny's Thinking
One day in class the teacher brought a bag full of fruit. "Now class... The Lesson
A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with he... Just like a baby
Man and a woman had been dating for about a year and their relations... Language Problem
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves and eng... Leftover Gifts
Seems God was just about done creating the universe, but he had two... Three Leroys
Three ladies, with boyfriends all named "Leroy" were at a bar when o... Jokes: 267
DIRTY JOKES