Nerd Season
A truck driver, hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers, stops f...
Super Computer Physician
A man goes to his physician and is shocked to find that he has been...
Right Click
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Desktop." Custome...
Saddam Hussein
BAGHDAD, IRAQ- April 23, 1997 - Saddam Hussein today announced his p...
The Smoking Power Supply
I used to work in a computer store and one day we had a gentleman ca...
Software Development Cycle
Software doesn't just appear on the shelves by magic. That program s...
God As A Computer Programmer
Q: Did God really create the world in seven days? A: He did it in...
South African Edition Of Windows 98
It has come to our attention that a few copies of the New South Afri...
Spam I Am
My name is Spam. Spam I Am. I have some stuff I'd like to sell. T...
Spell Checker
I halve a spelling checker, It came with my pea see. It plainly...
Tale of Blood-Curdling Terror
> YOU ARE ATTEMPTING TO INSTALL WINDOWS XP, ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO...
Tech Support
Take heart, anyone among you who believes you are technologically ch...
Windows. . . And The Kursk
What Really Happened To The Kursk Some new information has come to...
Tech Support for Husband 1.0
To: Tech Support To whom it may concern, Last year I upgraded fr...
Ten Reasons Why Macs Suck
10) You can't use 5-1/4" floppy disks. 9) You can't go shopping w...
Ten Signs Your DotCom In On The Skids
1. The company CEO has moved from the corner office to the ledge out...
Ten Top Reasons Computers Are Male
10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless. 9. A better...
Thanks For Calling Technical Support
Thank you for calling Technical Support. All of our technicians are...
The Birth Of Yahoo
An old, bearded shepherd, with a crooked staff, walks up to a stone...
The Twelve Commandments of Flaming
1. Make things up about your opponent: It's important to make your l...
The Man And The Dog
There is an OLD story about the data center of the future. This d...
The Programmer and the Engineer
A Programmer and an Engineer were sitting next to each other on an a...
The Top Internet Commandments
12. Thou shalt not downloadeth porn on thine work computer, lest ye...
The 12 bugs of Christmas
For the first bug of Christmas, my manager said to me See if they...
Things To Do When Your Isp Is Down
1. Dial 911 immediately. 2. Open the curtains to see if anything...
Things You Don't Want Your Sysadmin To Say
1. Uh-oh... 2. Oh S***! 3. What the heck?!? 4. Go get your...
This is a Flame
THIS IS A FLAME Dear [x] dork [ ] dummy [ ] ignorant snot [...
This Thing Called PSP
What's this thing called PSP? I pondered and I wondered... I hit t...
Toasters
If Oracle made toasters... They'd claim their toaster was compatible...
One Operating System
Recently one of my friends, a computer wizard, paid me a visit. As w...
Top 10 signs Technology Has Taken Over Your Life
10. You need to fill out a form that must be typewritten, but you ca...
Top 10 Signs That Your Co-Worker Is A Computer Hacker
10. You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was $20,000. ...
Top Ten Habits of Highly Effective Flamethrowers
Rule 10: Never forget that the person reading your mail is a person,...
Twas the Night Before Implementation
Twas the night before implementation And all through the house Not...
12 Days Of Helpdesk
On the first day of Christmas, a user gave to me A problem with E.T...
Undocumented Windows Error Codes
WinErr 001: Windows loaded - System in danger WinErr 002: N...
Upgrade Girlfriend
Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3.1 to GirlFriendPlus1....
What If Dr. Seuss Did Technical Training Manuals
Here's an easy game to play. Here's an easy thing to say: If a p...
God Ends The World
God called a meeting of Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin and Bill Gates a...
Windows Support
An unfailingly polite lady called to ask for help with a Windows ins...
Y zero K
Translated from Latin scroll dated 2BC -- Dear Cassius: Are yo...
You Know You're Too Hi-Tech If
You haven't played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years. ...
Computer Viruses Part 3
THE AL GORE Virus... (Causes your computer to just keep counting.) ...
You've Got Mail
A woman was in her front yard, moving her lawnmower when her atracti...
2 Programmers on a Highway
Two computer programmers are driving on a Highway. They switch on th...
A CD Player
While shopping for my first CD player, I was able to decipher most o...
An Airliner
At a recent software engineering management course in the US, the pa...
An artist, a lawyer, and a computer scientist
An artist, a lawyer, and a computer scientist are discussing the mer...
Apple Computers
Apple had a new computer under development. Their project name for i...
Acquired Paint Shop Pro Syndrome
The Centre for Disease Control in Atlanta today announced the identi...
12 Step Program Of Recovery For Web Addicts
1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my PAPER news...
50 Ways to Mess With People in a Computer Lab
1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and s...
A Brief History Of Computers
Long ago, in the days when all disks flopped in the breeze and the w...
A Few Words From Tech Support
1. Don't write anything down. We can play back the error messages fr...
A Guide to Modern Operating Systems
Unix You shoot yourself in the foot. DOS You keep running up ag...
Bill Gates And God
Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and Bill Gates all died in a plane crash and...
Abort, Retry, Ignore?
Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary, Syst...
Accident
There was an engineer, manager and programmer driving down a steep m...
AOL Changes
Due to the recent merger of AOL and Time Warner, AOL members can soo...
AOL Pie
A long, long, time ago I can still remember when I dialed up their...
You Might be Addicted to AOL if
* Tech Support calls "You" for help. * Someone at work tells you a...
Microsoft vs. GM
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared t...
Bill Gates Meets His Match
The following is a conversation overheard as Bill Gates was moving i...
Programmers' Wisdom
Every program has at least one bug and can be shortened by at least...
Program
PROGRAM (pro'-gram) [n] A magic spell cast over a computer allowi...
Endless Loop
A programmer had been missing from work for over a week when finally...
Microsoft Support
A Microsoft support man goes to a firing range. He shoots 10 bullets...
Browser Wars
WASHINGTON, D.C. (AP, Sept. 2, 2002) -- Senate Majority Leader Ray N...
Blue Screen of Death
In a surprise announcement today, Microsoft President Steve Ballmer...
Care And Feeding Of Your Computer
I've been working on a project at work to ensure all our end users k...
Classic Hack
Here is a story about one of the classic computer hacks. Back in...
Computer Dictionary
386: No, 486: Oops, Pentium: The only chip to consider if you're th...
How To Be Annoying In Newsgroups
Make up fake acronyms. On-line veterans like to use abbreviations li...
Computer Problem Report Form
Describe your problem: _________________________________________...
Computer Song
Computer Song To be sung with the theme from the Beverly Hillbilly...
Computer Viruses
OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: Your 1.3gb hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80m...
Computers and Electronics as Depicted in Movies
Word processors never display a cursor. You never have to use...
Computers vs. Auto Industry
Bill Gates wanted to look good and impress everyone with his success...
Consultants
A man walks into a Silicon Valley pet store looking for a monkey. Th...
CPI (Common Programming Instructions)
Assembler programs are written with short abbreviations called MNEMO...
The Customer and the Unix Consultant
Cust: what is the command that will tell me the revision code of a p...
Dead Drive Fix
It's really not too difficult fixing your own hard drive, if the pro...
Definition
From Webster's Dictionary: Windows 95: n. 32 bit extensions and...
14 Signs Your Online Relationship Isn't Working Out
14) You discover that "Chesty McBust" isn't her real name, and she's...
Don't Miss This Opportunity
Are you interested in making $$$$ fast? Here's an incredibly simple...
Dr. Seuss Explains Computers
If a Packet Hits a pocket on a socket on a port and the bus is inte...
Dream Job
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person aske...
Email Mistakes
It's wise to remember how easily email -- this wonderful technology...
From the Book of Microsoft
And LO! The Lord of the OS did come down among His sheep and He did...
Girlfriend 5.0
Desperately seeking technical support! I'm currently running the...
Glossary of PC Messages
It says: "Press Any Key" It means: "Press any key you like but I'm n...
Gullibility Virus
WARNING, CAUTION, DANGER, AND BEWARE! Gullibility Virus Spreading ov...
Hardware vs. Software
Once upon a time, in an absolute monarchy not far from here, a king...
Help
(Sung to the tune of 'Help!' by The Beatles) When I was younger a...
The AOL car
The AOL car would have a TOP speed of 40 MPH yet have a 200 MPH spee...
High Tech Jargon
NEW Different color from previous design ALL NEW Parts not...
How Does a (______) Chicken Cross the Road?
NT Chicken: Will cross the road in June. No, August. September for s...
How God Created the Computer
In the beginning, God created the bit. And the bit was a zero; nothi...
How to Determine if Technology has Taken Over Your Life
1. Your stationery is more cluttered than Warren Beatty's address bo...
How To Get A Life
It's never easy to overcome innate nerdity, a serious Internet addic...
The Top 15 Signs Your Webmaster is in a Cult
15. Every link seems to take you to www.amway.com. 14. Repetition...
How You Know You Are A High Tech Worker
It's dark when you drive to and from work. You see a good looking...
Husband 1.0
HUSBAND 1.0 There are a lot of pressures to upgrade from Boyfriend 6...
I Read It On The Internet
I was on my way to the post office to pick up my case of free M&M's...
ID10T
Young Susie was having trouble with her computer so she called Wes,...
Top Ten Signs Your Spouse May Be Having An On-Line Affair
10. Lately she sits at the computer naked. 9. After signing off,...
If AOL was a City
1. You'd live in a place where no two people had the same name. 2....
If Architects Worked Like Software Developers
Dear Architect: Please design and build me a house. I am not quit...
If Operating Systems Drove Your Car
MS-DOS: You get in the car and try to remember where you put the key...
If Operating Systems Were Airlines
DOS Air: Passengers walk out onto the runway, grab hold of the plane...
If Operating Systems Were Beers
DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you...
If Restaurants Functioned Like Microsoft
Patron: Waiter! Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Sup...
Intel's Night Before Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas, And all over the 'Net, All the p...
Internet Junkie Test
Have you been spending more and more time using the Internet? Have y...
Is It Better To Be A Jock Or A Nerd?
The answer to the eternal question "Is it better to be a jock or a n...
Jesus Saves
Jesus and Satan have a discussion as to who is the better programmer...
Computer Terms
A language instructor was explaining to her class that French nouns,...
Jingle Gates
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house Not a...
Light Bulb
Q: How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a...
Microsoft Code
Subject: *** TOP SECRET MICROSOFT CODE *** Project: Version - Wind...
Microsoft to Sell Ad Space in Error Messages
Microsoft announced that it is selling advertising space in the erro...
Microsoft TV Dinner Product Insert
You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree to a...
Minnesota Computer Terminology
Here's a Minnesota Guide to Computer Lingo LOG ON: making da vood...
Computer Viruses Part 2
Ellen Degeneres virus.....Your IBM suddenly claims it's a MAC Mon...
Murphey's Laws Of Computing
1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it t...
My Computer Crashed And Died Today
My computer crashed and died today And I thought, "oh well what th...
My Darling Husband
Dear John, I am sending you this letter in a bogus software compa...
Upgrading Bill Gate's Hell
"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm not sure whether...
Netscape Technical Support Folly
Tech: Internet Technical Support this is so-and-so speaking. May I h...
New Microsoft Keyboard
Microsoft Corporation has just announced a new PC keyboard designed...
New Virus Warning
This just in : NEW VIRUS WARNING If you receive an e-mail with a...
Program Managers
A lead hardware engineer, a lead software engineer, and their progra...
The Programmer and the Talking Frog
A computer programmer happens across a frog in the road. The frog pi...
Proof that Bill Gates is the Devil
The real name of "the" Bill Gates is William Henry Gates III. Nowada...
Proper Diskette and Care Usage
Never leave diskettes in the drive, as the data can leak out of the...
Quick Guide to Programming Languages
The proliferation of modern programming languages (all of which seem...
Reasons Why Windows Is Not A Virus
1. Viruses are free. 2. Viruses don't take up most of your hard d...
Jokes: 138

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